I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize