I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
