A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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