the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
