Porn is love you can see.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
no you cant smoke seaweed
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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