yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
