Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
