I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
