So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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