I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize