K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
