i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
