Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
