Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize