I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
