i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
