You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
