Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize