the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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