cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
