did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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