HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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