You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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