So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
