i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
