Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
never play flip cup with pint glasses
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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