next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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