Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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