Im at strip club and am horny
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
