my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Everyone says I win the strip club
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You ate ashes out of my bong
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
