**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
