Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
