she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
he high fived his dick after we had sex
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
