You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
