All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
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