Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
