Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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