hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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