Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
