Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
