I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
