Rock
Scissors
Fuck
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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