chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
