so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
