My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
