I cannot find my penis.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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