i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
