I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
