She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
