I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
