i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
