dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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