I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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