I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
