By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
