I'm really into asian looking animals
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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