Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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