is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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