Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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