I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
