I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
