all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
