We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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