I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
