I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
