She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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