some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
