omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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