if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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