i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
