he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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