Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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