I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
