I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Randomize
