so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
