does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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