2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
