had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
