either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
