I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize