How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
