well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
